Food Prep Honey Badgers in the Staff Kitchen

The note below, was posted this afternoon, Friday, in the kitchen of my office. It was my time for kitchen duty this week, which brought into greater focus that I have some colleagues who are housekeeping deficient. It was high time for a teachable moment up in there.

This note was done in Comic Sans font. On purpose.

I will like be fired come Monday.


The miraculous, immaculate toasting of a food item is an elusive goal. Getting food from appliance to plate and getting it buttered/jellied/schmeared/sliced cleanly, without leaving trace evidence is quite a feat.

Crumbs are oft left scattered across the countertop like autumn leaves on a lawn. Dollops of tasty spread oft splats on impact like Jackson Pollocks’ acrylics. Both can be easily, obviously detected with the naked eye. No CSI equipment is needed to illuminate the evidence.

Many-o-messes are promptly cleaned up by conscientious chefs. Hurray. Their colleagues are nary the wiser that a delectable Toaster Strudel or pumpernickel bagel this way cometh. But a brazen minority does abandon their messes. They shamelessly commit jelly-felonies and crumb bombings without regard for the burden of clean-up they’ve placed on others. They don’t care about the chaos of comestibles left in their wake. They are, simple put, FOOD PREP HONEY BADGERS, because they just don’t give a…

What makes these FPHBs tick? Is the allure of piping hot carbs too strong to delay instant gratification in order to tidy up? Do yummies in their tummies trump an amiable co-op kitchen environment? Could an all-in-good-fun social shame via passive-aggressive note prompt a more congenial approach to food toasting? Here’s hoping.


The Comic Sans Staff Comic

P.S. This note will be submitted to for consideration. Also, all passive-aggressive notes should be done in Comic Sans. Natch.

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